Letting Go

For over a year now, I have felt like the walls are closing in on me...like I am drowning...like I can never get ahead or catch a break.  It is tough and it has sucked the joy out of me.  There are many things that do not get talked about on the blog.  It is to keep some privacy about our lives from this Internet world, but mostly, I don't want to be a place where my blog is a place of complaining...for me and my family it is a place of remembering what is good.  But everything is good...it may not seem that way at the time.

All things work together for the good.

The past few months, I have been trying to figure out why am I feeling this way.  Yes, I have a baby that doesn't sleep and a husband who has had multiple surgeries, but that isn't it.
Why?
I have struggled to get back to my happy place...where I was at peace with everything....content.
Where did my joy go?
I couldn't find it.
Why?

Because I got in the way...because I was trying to control everything.

At times in my life, I have had to learn to let go and let God.  Things are crazy around here most of the time.  The military life can bring about the highest of emotion and the lowest all in about 30 minutes.  Having kids.  Taking care of the house...laundry for, cooking, cleaning.  Scooping poop.  Shoveling snow. Trying to take a few moments to breathe.  And the list goes on...

My joy was gone because I was trying to control everything...I got this.  I am the queen of "I'm fine."  I can put up a front when on the inside I am crumbling.

Tonight, I read this post .  I do not believe in coincidences.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  I was meant to go searching through a blog I do not read to find that post.  While my worries have nothing to do with trying to have more babies...I have worry and anxiety for other things.  But I can identify with the woman she is talking about.  I have said those things many times in the past year.  BUT I have a hope.  I know the ONE I can run to and put my worries in His hands.

I am learning to let go...it isn't always easy.  It will be a process...I will have to constantly remind myself.  But I have been down this road before.  I know that letting go of my life and completely giving EVERYTHING over to God is so freeing...truly peaceful.

To be honest, it will be hard this time.  I haven't let go of it...I am holding on to a little piece...I feel a need to control this.  I can't.

Prayers would be appreciated.  Because my heart's desire it to let go, but I am having a hard time.