2011- Reflections On a Hard Year

This past year has been very trying on my family.  We have had to learn how to do things differently, communicate differently, how to compromise and say 'no' when we need to.

As you may recall, my husband came back from Afghanistan early due to extreme pain in his abdomen.  They were unable to diagnose the pain right way, so he went through 6 months of test after test.  Finally, an ultrasound revealed a hidden hernia.  He had that removed days before Campbell was born.  We thought those pain filled days were over.  We thought he was on the mend.  But shortly after, he knew something wasn't right.  Another hernia?  Did he tare it again?  Well, after more doctor visits and more test, it seems as though the pain he was having (now much worse than the hernia pain) was due to scar tissue.  Every day the pain seemed to get worse.  They sent him to pain management to try and "break up" the scar tissue.  That made it worse.  Eventually, he was sent back to the surgeon...a new surgeon, because his old one is currently deployed.  He did another CT scan.  And the CT scan has revealed that the scar tissue has grown around 3 nerves...the source of this pain.  The surgeon gave JT an option of living with the pain or doing surgery.  He told him that this was major surgery and there is a possibility that it will not work.  We eventually decided to do the surgery.  The pain that he lives in everyday is bad, and we need to take that chance of the surgery working.  After a second meeting with the doctor, he was more upbeat about the outcome of the surgery.  JT will have the scar tissue removed as well as 3 nerves.  If all goes according to plan, he will be pain free.
We are cautiously optimistic....but we serve a great God and whatever the outcome, we are in His hands.

I haven't talked about this much on here, because I didn't really know how to word it.  I don't want people to feel sorry for us or for it to come across as me complaining, because honestly, he could have come home from war under very different circumstances.  He didn't, and I am so greatly for that.

It has been a learning experience for us.  We can't just go out and do things other families can.  I wish so bad, we could take the girls sledding, but with his pain (and 4 kids) we can't.  Going out for the day shopping or simple everyday task can be very painful.  I can't leave all 4 kids with him, it is too much. And that is ok.  We have learned to live with it.  I admire him for doing the things that he does do with the pain he does have.  Even though it hurts to sit on the floor, he will sit and play a game of UNO with the girls, or he will change a poopy diaper.

It has challenged us as a couple.
First, I want to say that before this happened, God was preparing my heart to be my husband's helpmate....to serve him more....to make life a little easier on him when he is home.  Those 2 things stuck out the most to me.  And for good reason.  I didn't realize at the time that I would be putting those things to practice.  I was not always perfect in doing those things for my husband.  Some days it was very hard and I wanted to be selfish and be mad that he couldn't do anything.  But God would quickly convict my heart.  I love my husband dearly and to serve him and to make life easier on him brings great joy to my heart and it glorifies God.
This time has also taught us to communicate better.  We have always been good communicators with one another.  But most of the time things are good, and we aren't in a trying circumstance...except this year.  I have learned when to let him know that I am overwhelmed, and he has learned to tell me when he needs a break...to relax...to de-stress. We have learned all this through trail and error.

As difficult as this year has been, I don't know that I would trade it. ( JT may tell you differently...he is the one in pain.)  It has brought us together as a family.  It has matured us as a couple.  We are now more understanding of each other.  I have been able to teach the girls to think about how the way others may feel and not just about themselves...hands on learning here.

Over the past year, we may have hurt feelings for not doing something or going somewhere.  But it is hard to explain pain to people.  There are certain things you can push through and some things you can't....you just need to say 'no'.  This was suppose to be a simple hernia surgery, but it turned into much more.
I know we have been judged by people.  How do I know?  I talked with my neighbor, who thought I had a mean husband, because I was always the one shoveling snow.  This made me giggle to myself.  He is not mean at all.  Once I explained that he couldn't, she felt bad for thinking that.  In his defense, he has tried to help me shovel, and I sent him inside.  He has always taken care of me and for him to have to step aside and let me take on the "manly" jobs has been hard on him.

So, I ask for prayer, because JT goes in for surgery tomorrow.  We don't know how long it will be, because the doctor is unsure of what all he will find.  We are very grateful to JT's

JT that this surgery is successful, and his pain goes away.  I have seen prayer work in AMAZING ways, I know it works that is why I am asking for it.  I will update soon.  It will be a few days.  During that time, I still ask you pray for him...and us.

I will leave with a quote a friend posted on facebook...it has a different meaning for her, but I thought it rather appropriate for our circumstances right now...


"To be certain of God means to be uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation." - Oswald Chambers