I Need To

Today, I woke up happy to see the sun. We ate breakfast, got dressed, made up beds, the unusual. I decided to take advantage of the sun since I didn't see in any clouds in sight. Well, clouds that looked to be holding rain. I told the girls to go get their shoes, we were going for a bike ride. We, by "we" I mean Ella and Olivia, rode around the neighborhood. Said "hi" to all the dogs that barked at us. We watched the kids walk around the school, since today was their first day. We came home, parked the bikes and walked to the shoppette (it is the military word for gas station). I needed milk. They didn't have any. UGH! I really didn't want to drive across base to get some. So, we walked home and stopped by the playground. The fact that they didn't have any milk really upset me. It shouldn't, but it did.
We went home and I fixed lunch. The girls were telling me what they wanted. I wasn't in the mood to play short order chef, so I popped in a pizza.
Sutton Grace went down for a nap. The other 2 and I headed up stairs to do school.
But while all this was happening, I was quick to snap at one of them for not listening or for getting in my way or just doing something that plain annoyed me. Why was I acting like this? I hadn't acted this way since I was pregnant and my hormones were going up and down. Since having Sutton, I have been pretty laid back and very patient...especially with my children. This was not me! I did not like it! I just couldn't shake it.
We finished up school, and I gave them some coloring to do. I needed some me time. I sat at the computer to waste some time while the baby slept.
My heart was racing, I felt panicky, overwhelmed, claustrophobic.
Through out the day, I was making myself a mental check list of everything that needed to be done. In the garage, I need to go through our shoes and put away the ones that are not for this season. I need to sweep the garage. I need to wash all the rugs we have in there, since my wonderful dog decided he didn't want to go pee outside and get his feet wet (come to think of it that may have started my bad mood). I go upstairs and there is a pile of laundry that needs to be put away and more piling up that needs to be washed. I need to wash sheets. I need to vacuum. I need to organize the office/ school room. I have a dresser that needs to be painted. I need to cook dinner. I need to get milk because the stupid shoppette was out. The "I need to's" got so overwhelming. Trust me, there are many more. Doing all this on top of everything that daily goes on! My head was spinning.
I sat at the computer trying to calm myself down. I am not like this. I don't want to be like this. I knew something was going on. Maybe it is my hormones. I am down to 2 feedings a day with Sutton. Maybe those breast feeding hormones were leaving my body, the ones that kept me so calm. I want them back!
But as I sat there, I was reminded that God is in control, and I can't do everything. I can do a little at a time. He will help me through and give my strength when I am weak.
I started the day washing a capri sun (empty) with my blankets in the washing machine, I am ending the day reminded, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).


See those sweet babies? How could I ever be annoyed with them? I love them so much!