sarahmturner

I went back and forth on whether to write this post or not. 

Then I decided too.

I talk about my children that live in my home, why can't I talk about my child in heaven...whenever I want.

Recently, I had a friend lose her baby.

Recently, I have stumbled across blogs of women going through the emotions of losing their baby.

Recently, I saw a House Hunter's episode from Tybee Island, Ga.

I didn't expect to get emotional watching the show.  But when they showed the beach....tears came to my eyes and several emotions came and many memories came.

I remembered the day I decided to go to the ER and how I was trying to keep it together....how every one seemed cold (I am not sure anyone knows what to say or how to act when a woman is losing her child).

I remember them saying, "Well, there is a heartbeat.", but not saying what we were all thinking.

Some people roll their eyes when a woman talks about those moments or say things like, "Shouldn't you be over that by now?".

Which is probably why no one talks about it.

I will...and I will make no apology for it.

It is heartbreaking....HEARTBREAKING!

I always thought that the day my child was due would be hard for me, but it isn't that day.  I think about my child that day, but that day is not hard.  Even the day I lost my baby isn't hard, I think about my baby then, but that day isn't hard.

It is the moments that take me by surprise...when someone asks me how many children I have...when I am washing dishes...when I see a child that would be the same age...when I see a TV show of where my child is buried...when I see a picture of a sea turtle...looking through old photos...

For those that have not experienced that kind of loss, please be sensitive to those that have.

Just because our baby wasn't "born", doesn't make it hurt any less.

It hurts.  And we will have days that are hard...and we should.

And one day, I am sure I will hold my child in my arms, but right now...my child is playing with all the other babies born into heaven.

I wonder if they know that their mommies were good friends...or even that some are related?