Reflecting

Over the past couple weeks, I have felt like I lost myself.  With this move, it has thrown everything out of whack...not that everything was in whack.

Before JT came was medevaccced back, life was moving along normally...well, normal for a military family.  I took life one day at a time.  I didn't worry about much.  I savored every moment with my children watching them be children.

For about a year and a half following that night, I kept telling my kids "when everything goes back to normal'.  You would have thought I new that after a year, I would have figured our I was in my normal...my new normal.

So, I came to terms with life.  It is crazy, but whatever.

Then throw in this move and life is just driving me crazy.

I keep longing for the days I could just cuddle with the kids or play in the floor with them and be fine with just letting the dishes go for the evening.  Well, if I do that now, it isn't just letting the dishes go.  It is unpacking, shoveling snow (or yard work in the summer), it is organizing because we will be moving again in the coming months (no exact dates, so don't ask), it is cleaning the other house.  It just snow balls.  It snowballs to the point where I lose it while cleaning up dog poop.  Yes, my neighbors (if they were looking out their windows at the time) probably saw me throw a tantrum in my back yard.  I am 30 not 3! 

(Let me pause to say that not all my days are like this.  So, all my mothers don't get worried about me. :)

I actually paused today to read to Ella.  And a friend is getting back into running...in the snow I might ad, which feels amazing.)

I know other's feel this way.  I know I am not the only mother/father/person.

Here is a little link to what I want to get back to...living in this moment with my children and husband.
Momentary Motherhood

I can't wait to have this whole move behind us, so we can get back to the normal...the new normal...not the old one...although the old one would be nice too.  But at the same time, I want to live in this moment.  Remember the struggle.  Remember the kids running around with boxes on their heads bumping into one another.  Because I am sure that years down the road, I will look back and see that it wasn't really all that hard.

I don't like wallowing in self-pity, which is probably why I don't talk/write about these things this much.  There are bigger problems in this world.

Soooo....what is a blog post without pictures???

I have always loved taking photos and looking at photos of people being people.  I can remember getting my first camera and sneaking those shots of my friends living life.

It has carried over to my children now.  Although, it is much harder to hide a big camera than a pocket sized one.

But here is Sutton Grace being...well...Sutton Grace.

I heard a giggling in the bathroom (at the old house), and when I saw what she was doing, I grabbed my camera.  When she saw me, I was surprised she kept being so goofy and didn't cross her arms and try to bury her head.