Sutton Grace-The Child That Wasn't Suppose to Be

*Disclaimer: I love all my children equally, but I love them differently.  They each have very special reasons why they are special to me.  This is Sutton's story.

I adore Sutton!  

I look at her and joy fills my heart.

Sutton wasn't suppose to be born...at least in my world.  Before she was conceived, I was pregnant with another child...a child I lost.

After that painful loss, I planned for no more children.  I started giving away everything.  My heart couldn't take the chance of losing another child.

No more kids for me.  

But God had a different plan.

He knew what I needed.  

There was no bonding during pregnancy...I couldn't even look at the ultrasound pictures.  I wasn't going to get attached to that being inside of me.  I never fully made plans for after she was born.  

I was trying to protect my heart.

And then she was born...in my arms.

Alive.  Beautiful.

I told her I was sorry for not caring about her while she was in my belly.

She has brought a peace to my heart...a joy...contentment.  After having her, I knew how wonderful and precious life is...I really knew!

Every time I hug her, I am fully aware that if my plans had played out, she would not be here.

Yes, I have one child that is not...but that child is in a more perfect place...the arms of Jesus.  And one day I will meet that child.  I love my angel baby just as much as my others.

I look at her face and sometimes I think that she is 2 in one...that somehow her brother or sister passed on a little of their life to her. 

She is a spit fire!  

Fully of personality.

A button pusher (you thought I called her Sutton Button because it rhymed?).

Her way or the highway.

But she loves deeply and gives the best hugs in the whole world!

I love you Sutton Grace!